Why I don’t Tweet

I get asked quite often why I don’t Tweet or use Twitter. First off, our agency does use Twitter regularly and I am a huge fan of Twitter from a business perspective. I think businesses with something important to say or offer salient information quickly makes perfect sense to use Twitter. I easily see business applications for it, but that's it. From a personal use perspective, I see no significant value in the use of Twitter.

And I will give you my five reasons why:

1. My life it not that exciting to be Tweeting my daily random thoughts, routine, musings and happenings. Quite frankly, neither are most people who use Twitter. Sorry. But why in the name of sweet baby Jesus do you think people care about your life that much?

2. Keeping up with that much incessant noise and clutter is a colossal waste of time. We are bombarded with thousands of messages daily from all sorts of sources. Why do I need more meaningless distractions in my life?

3. Tweeting time is not billable. That one was easy!

4. Too much exposure is a bad thing. Frankly, I don’t need to let my competitors know what I am doing, where I am travelling to, or what I am working on. Loose tweets sink twits!

5. Finally ... I need to save my news and other shenanigans I’ve been up to with my dear friends when we lunch or get together over vino. Surely we need something to talk about. Yesterday, I met up with my three good friends at the Four Seasons Hotel for lunch where we spent a solid two hours catching up on all the latest gossip, our lives, kids, the Toronto Mayoral election and who we know who got a botched plastic surgery job.

Ahhhh .. you can’t get that kind of quality time on Twitter.

Inside PR .. thanks for the memories!

Hope you get a chance to listen to episode #143 of the Inside PR podcast. It’s a special broadcast ... since it’s the last time you’ll hear me on the show.

I had a great time being part of the Inside PR panel. It was a wonderful experience and I learned so much about the podcasting process. I wanted to do it for a year and I was really fortunate to have been asked to join the group by the creators of the show Terry Fallis and David Jones. They are consummate professionals and were willing to take a chance with a podcasting novice like me.

Martin Waxman was also a new addition to the panel this year and is staying on in 2009. I think Martin is my long lost Jewish half brother. Martin is so easy to talk to and his intelligent wit is something I looked forward to each week. His popular culture references all date back somewhere in the sixties (thank god I watched Laugh-In) and his stories of his youth in Winnipeg are so freakin’ funny.

As for Terry Fallis, he must be the most gracious and genuine human being on the planet. I’ve never met anyone so accommodating, sincere and articulate. His vast use of the English language astounds me every time he opens his mouth. It’s no wonder that he’s an accomplished novelist, winning the 2008 Stephen Leacock award for humour for his book Best Laid Plans. Joe Thornley is lucky to have such a business partner.

Okay, here comes my Wizard of Oz “Dorothy” moment. Of all the men on the show, I will miss David the most. He’s a big reason for the show’s success. I’ve known David the longest and we’ve crisscrossed many times throughout our careers. I first met David when we volunteered for a CPRS awards show more than ten years ago. David is a dichotomy of sorts. He has a boyish face but sports an incredible head of silver fox hair. He has the warmest smile but watch his Don Rickles mouth. He’s got a tough business edge, but knows how to get a choice seat at Cinderella's Royal Table at DisneyWorld. David has been my competitor, my client, golf buddy, fellow panellist and peer in the industry. But most of all David is my friend and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have been part this show with him.

The best part of this podcast for me was the “pre-show chatter” before we went live to tape with the topic of the week. We usually spent 10 – 15 minutes nattering about the business, our competitors, our clients, our previous week’s ups and downs. It was like being in a PR executive support group. I never felt threatened or undermined and always felt at ease to say whatever came to mind. I think a lot of our pre-chatter discussions were even better than what we put on air! Get the guys to air those once in awhile!

So with that, let me urge all my blog readers to keep on listening to this wonderful podcast. If you’re in PR, the show is a must listen to each week.

In tough times ... you gotta keep on laughing.

I haven’t posted in awhile, simply because I couldn't find anything uplifting to write about. And I didn't feel like compounding the economic doom and gloom in my blog post. What’s the point of writing about the shitty economic times we're in? Why make people feel worse than they already are? Although I went to the mall over the weekend and I couldn’t find a blasted parking space! It was jam packed with shoppers … no recession at Sherway Mall that’s for sure!

So in dire times like these, it’s best to laugh. And thankfully our dear family friend, Mr. Peter Zeeeee, forwarded these new stock market terms that will surely put a smile on your face. So enjoy life, always laugh and do what I do … don’t open your financial statements until 2010!

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me. (my personal fav!)
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Don’t kill off my print magazine!

I read one of those “quotable quotes” from Ballmer who recently said that the print industry will die off in ten years. We’ve all seen the digital effect on newspapers as they continue to scale back on editorial pages. But books and magazines? I really can’t see my favourite magazines going solely online in ten years.

I don’t mind reading short current news bites, weather, sports scores and headlines off my BlackBerry or computer. But for full-feature coverage complete with photos, please give me my magazines.

My favourite magazine of all time has to be Vanity Fair. It is brilliant. Everything about the magazine is flawless. The writing, photography and even the ads are simply sublime. I look forward to my copy in the mail every month. This month’s issue did not disappoint as usual. The brilliance of Vanity Fair is how they seduce the reader with a glossy, Hollywood front cover and then take you inside some of the most outstanding writing and research on subjects ranging from war, presidents (past and present), current events, socialites gone mad, actors who kill, and European philanderers. Their writers have no problem digging up sordid details and going deep into issues. Last year I read the story about that beautiful thoroughbred horse named Barbaro and how his trainers and owners had to put the lovely creature down. The article celebrated the life of this horse and captured the pain and suffering of everyone who loved him. Not one television story or newspaper article captured the essence and the human-like soul of Barbaro than that story in Vanity Fair. Because this is what Vanity Fair is all about: in-depth, provocative writing that sets the standard in journalism.

This month’s article on President Clinton is a real page turner, too. This is the same article that prompted Clinton to call its writer a “scumbag.” The article is hilarious and a bit shocking. Apparently Clinton’s best buddy is some jet-setting billionaire whose private plane is aptly nicknamed “Air Fuck One.” And another piece of the puzzle is put into place … poor Hilary.

I realize that Vanity Fair also has a dotcom site chock-full of content. But it’s just not the same reading experience.

So are you to tell me that my favourite high-gloss magazine that I can take to the beach, on a plane and curl up with in bed will become extinct in ten years?

Say it ain’t so! I have no desire to ever, ever, ever go to the bathroom with my laptop propped up on my knees!

Humour in the workplace

In last week's workplace section of the Globe and Mail, Wallace Immen writes about pranks in the workplace. With April Fool’s Day upon us, a number of recent surveys suggest that most workers don’t appreciate pranks in the office and are not tolerated.

I must admit, I hate practical jokes. I don’t take them very well and see them as hurtful and mean-spirited. I will, however, tell you that there is lots of room in the workplace for good-old fashioned humour and funny story-telling. I love to laugh. Anybody who has worked with me knows I have a permanent smile on my face (unless someone has irked me into a scowl) but my personal DNA is made up of passion, perfection … and a good healthy dose of humour.

I love to surround myself with optimistic, charismatic, funny people. Not “Bozo the Clown” funny but people who can laugh at themselves and make light of situations when you really need to smile. These are usually smart driven people, who have amassed a ton of popular culture and a have a gift for high level wit. I met Warren Buffett a few weeks ago and, let me tell you, if this guy wasn’t a business genius he could easily have a career as a standup comic!

My friend Catherine Lawrence is one of the smartest and funniest people I know. She actually runs a company that teaches corporations of all sizes (law, accounting, finance too!) on how to infuse humour in the workplace. She calls humour a "critical survival skill" and I agree. She is a wonderful speaker, and is the quintessential “Chief Laughter Officer.” I think what she preaches is sorely needed in today’s businesses.

Our agency culture is built on several guiding principles that put our clients first and foremost, but the undercurrent of the company’s culture is rooted in fun and laughter. Why? Because nobody wants to work in a gulag. Yes, we handle serious situations for our clients including managing hardcore crisis and issues, but should a workplace be devoid of humour because of a dire situation? I think just the opposite. I believe the tougher the situation, the more you need to see a lighter side to get through it.

I’ll never forget the day of my dad’s funeral. The saddest day of my life. On the way to the funeral home in the back of the limo, my brother and I were discussing who would be the most appropriate pallbearers to carry my dad. My mother (whose second language is English and certain words still escape her), who was seated next to us, looked at us in a maddening and disgusting way. She remarked in her heavy Italian accent, “I don’t understand why you and your brother are discussing polar bears at a time like this!” My brother and I laughed hysterically in the back seat and, to this day, I’ll always remember my dad’s funeral with a smile. Even then, in the toughest of times, humour went a long way to alleviate the pain and trauma of the situation.

Certainly we can bring that thinking and style to the workplace.

After all, it’s just PR… so lighten up!

Happy April Fool’s Day!