I haven’t posted in awhile, simply because I couldn't find anything uplifting to write about. And I didn't feel like compounding the economic doom and gloom in my blog post. What’s the point of writing about the shitty economic times we're in? Why make people feel worse than they already are? Although I went to the mall over the weekend and I couldn’t find a blasted parking space! It was jam packed with shoppers … no recession at Sherway Mall that’s for sure!
So in dire times like these, it’s best to laugh. And thankfully our dear family friend, Mr. Peter Zeeeee, forwarded these new stock market terms that will surely put a smile on your face. So enjoy life, always laugh and do what I do … don’t open your financial statements until 2010!
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me. (my personal fav!)
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.